Mad World
by Trillobite
Summary: I bang my head against the door. I scratch my wrists. I bite my bottom lip. I know the kids outside my sanctuary can hear me. If they ask what's wrong, I don't answer. I can't hear their voices. I only hear his... Angst, drugs, yaoi, Matt's POV.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing! **

**This songfic was born after listening to 'Mad world' by Gary Jules. Its very angsty and depressing. It's in Matt's POV. Guess who it's about. Btw reviews are welcome! Be brutally honest about what you think of my fanfic and you will receive some chocolate! Btw this is my first fanfic on this site! **

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**Today's my birthday.

**All around me are familiar faces**

My best friend is gone. _Happy birthday to me._

**Worn out places**

He was always with me. Under the willow tree outside, in class, and in our room. We were best of friends. I inhale the smoke from my cigar. The poison calms my frayed nerves.

**Worn out faces**

I see the same people when I pace the same hallways alone. There's no one new.

**Bright and early for their daily races**

Here, everyone is striving for the same thing. To become L. I think I'm the only one who gave up that goal.

**Going nowhere**

They really don't have to try. Near will always be number one.

**Going nowhere**

Near is the reason why I lost someone so precious to me.

**Their tears are filling up their glasses**

Every night I remember him. I never said goodbye. I never stopped him.

**No expression**

Who knows where he is.

**No expression**

Who knows what he's planning.

**Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow**

It's been almost a year since he went away. I wish I followed him.

**No tomorrow**

I crush my cigarette in anguish and lean against my door. I locked myself in my room for days. I only come out at night.

**No tomorrow**

I burn my finger, but I don't care. I am a mess. I don't brush my hair. I don't take off my goggles anymore. My eyes show too much.

**And I find it kind of funny**

It's funny how he never knew that he was number one to me.

**I find it kind of sad**

It's sad that I never told him.

**The dreams in which I'm dying**

I don't take pleasure in living anymore. I lost my one and only…

**Are the best I've ever had**

I am planning my escape. I will follow him.

**I find it hard to tell you**

I want to find him. But…

**I find it hard to take**

My stomach rumbles, and interrupts my thoughts. I am reminded that I haven't eaten in a long time**.**

**When people run in circles**

Yes, I was contemplating suicide again. This time I was going to starve. But it's not working out for me.

**Its a very very**

I am a great contradiction. I am the exact opposite of normal. _I don't want to live anymore._

**Mad world**

I can tell that I am in the drug induced state of mind. Yesterday I had cocaine. Today, I will have heroin. Tomorrow, alcohol. Anything to help me forget him.

**Children waiting for the day they feel good**

I hope that he remembered my birthday. I hope that tomorrow I will wake up to find him here.

**Happy birthday**

"_Happy birthday, Matty." _His voice is on replay in my head. It's like a broken record.

**Happy birthday**

"_Happy birthday to you."_

**Made to feel the way that every child should**

I bang my head against the door. I scratch at my scarred wrists. I bite my bottom lip. I pull my hair. _Get out of my mind!_

**Sit down and listen**

I know that the kids outside my door can hear me. They don't care anymore. If they ask what's wrong, I don't answer. I don't hear their voices.

**Sit down and listen**

I only hear his.

**Went to school and I was very nervous**

Its strange being without him now. Everything is so dark. I am slowly disappearing.

**No one knew me**

My status as number three has been removed. Like I care.

**No one knew me**

No one cares about me. I grab the needle.

**Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson**

I inject myself with the heroin, and feel the drug seep into my bloodstream. It's nothing new. I try my best to overdose.

**Look right through me**

Hehe. I'm a rebel. The only drug addict at Whammy's. The biggest mess here. And i start to laugh.

**And I find it kind of funny**

All of the kids are probably listening to my random laughter.

**I find it kind of sad**

Tears pour from my eyes as I laugh for exactly no reason. I pull my knees to my chest and rock back and forth, laughing, crying, and banging my head on the door. _I'm crazy…_

**The dreams in which I'm dying**

I hear footsteps approaching my door quickly. Fists bang against the door and voices call my name. All I hear is his voice. All I feel are his hands.

**Are the best I've ever had**

Everything is a blur. The words that they say are slurred, the knocks sound like gunshots. It's so loud. Then I feel myself falling.

**I find it hard to tell you**

I keep hearing his voice. I still feel his touch. My muscles twitch and my body spasms. I feel so free…

**I find it hard to take**

I feel as though I'm with him. And when I open my eyes, I see him. He's all blurry and smudged, but I see him. I guess these drugs really do work.

**When people run in circles**

If I die, I'm glad that I see this image. He looks so much older. His blonde hair is shaggier, and his eyes are so bright.

**Its a very very**

I feel nothing now; I can't tell what's going on. Am I finally dying?

**Mad world**

All I see is white. And the last thing I hear is my name being called multiple times. And I let myself go…

**Mad world**

When I open my eyes again, I see a white ceiling. I hear an annoying beeping noise. This is strange. I'm supposed to be dead. I want to be.

**Enlarged in your world**

Suddenly, I feel a hand on mine. And bright blue eyes appear before my eyes. I know im not hallucinating. Words that I have waited for are spoken softly to me.

**Mad world**

"Happy birthday, Matty."…

**End**


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